


When The Tide Comes In (And Never Goes Out)

by gillyAnne



Series: Courage Is A Woman [5]
Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28298313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gillyAnne/pseuds/gillyAnne
Summary: After almost a year of not being with her fiancée, Stella Gibson watches for a flash of red in every passing car.It's Christmas Eve in London, and it starts to snow.Story is part of the Courage Is A Woman series. If you haven't read, you can start at the beginning - but in no way do you have to.
Relationships: Stella Gibson & Dana Scully, Stella Gibson/Dana Scully
Series: Courage Is A Woman [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1264121
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I owe a lot, if not all of this to EnigmaticDoctorScully [@ enigmascully on twitter] with whom I seem to share a brain.  
> Multi-chaptered, irregular updates, because that's how we roll. One solid promise though: Story will be complete in the end.

* * *

Fairy lights twinkled mockingly in the reflection of Stella’s window as she sat there in the big chair she’d dragged to the edge of her home. It was cold here, beyond the range of the low flames in her fireplace, closer to the ice outside than the fire within. Her feet felt like heavy ice cubes, even though she had on the thickest house socks she owned. Their woolly structure did little to shield her from the cold, harsh weather she felt beating down on her, more so every passing moment of every withering day. It didn’t matter that these days she spent most of her time indoors, the dark gloom that hung around her penetrated even the thickest walls.

It was the day before Christmas during the year of hell, and once again, Stella was alone.

She had really tried to get in the Christmas spirit this year. While Dana had watched from her computer screen Stella had put up a small, real tree she’d found on a grocery run. Reluctantly following Dana’s instructions she’d strung up some lights in her living room while Dana did the same in hers, for the single reason that Dana had said it would help against the cold. But it didn’t. It just reminded her of all the things that weren’t, couldn’t, hadn’t been and wouldn’t be for God knows how long. Stella had wanted to take it all down a thousand times but somehow couldn’t bring herself to do it, so she just sat there, watching them, watching her.

On top of all that she was stuck at home, forced to take her annual leave, not expected back in the office until the second week of the new year. She had nowhere to go, no place to be but her own house, her own thoughts, her own life that felt like nothing more than a sad existence. Needing a day to sulk she’d canceled her call with Dana two days ago, reassuring her she was fine, but knowing she’d run out of ways to convince the observant redhead. She hadn’t really even tried. The missed call yesterday had been easily ignored, and even though it ate away at her soul Stella couldn’t help but relish in the familiar feeling of deep loneliness.

Her eyes were unfocused as they gazed at the scenery outside. There was no one on the streets, and it had started to snow about an hour ago. As soon as she’d noticed the soft blanket of frosty dust falling from the sky Stella had poured herself a scotch, fetched a blanket and she hadn’t cared about the marks she’d left on her floor as she unceremoniously dragged her heavy chair to the window. Admittedly, she felt comfortable if she really focused, but everything around her seemed wrong - except for the purity of the white world outside. The world that had been at war with itself for most of this past year now seemed oddly small and at peace. It was quiet though, in her house, in her head and in her heart - something was missing, and even though Stella knew what it was she found herself reluctant to admit it and unwilling to just dial the numbers and let that one voice fill the void.

Darkness was fast approaching and it came with a mist that spread like a blanket over the day. Stella watched how the street lights flicked on, one after the other, almost in unison but just out of sync. She smiled wistfully, letting her eyes wander along the white blanket covering the pavement until she could no longer discern the houses down her street. That’s what it had been like all year, out of sync, events cascading down upon them with no way to control or stop them. She knew she had it easy. A roof over her head, a steady salary, healthcare and nutrition and all the things she ultimately needed. It was just a storm, a long, stretched-out, year-long storm that she could weather from inside for as long as she needed to. 

She knew that.

And still. Still, as the days went on, got shorter and grew darker one thing became almost impossible to deny. 

She was alone. And it was ridiculous, but maybe everything she had here wasn’t enough.

As her mind wandered to the one she missed so dearly Stella softly curled her fingers around the ring that was around her left ring finger. She played with it, shifted it a little, brought it up to her gaze and dropped it again as she lightly shook her head. It was a simple ring, golden, thin and smooth and Stella loved it, but she loved the woman whom it belonged to even more. The ring had been in Stella’s possession for a long time before she’d decided she wanted to give it to Dana. Ever since she’d come up with the thought the ring had been with her, on her finger, waiting to be given away. Dana hadn’t noticed in their conversations, or if she had, she hadn’t commented on it. How long would it be until Stella could show it to her? How long until she could marry the woman she loved more than she thought possible?

Her brain detrimentally took the quiet moment to once more imagine Dana sitting in the cab that slowly drove past. The windows were fogged up so she could impossibly see, but Stella’s mind pictured a flash of red behind the windows - just a hint, like she’d seen hundreds of times before in crowds, across streets, from behind darkened glass… And every time she physically felt her heart reach out before it was caught by the gates of distance. She wasn’t here. She just wasn’t. 

Stella sipped from her glass, the amber liquid burning its way down her throat as she watched a glimmer of red flow under the light of one lantern, then the next, and the next. Damn gingers, she cursed to herself, always tricking her memory into thinking Dana was coming for her. But then, as the warm light from the old London lanterns cast a ray of clarity down into the mist, Stella’s heart froze over.

The glimmer of red stopped just under one of the lights. They were just a few houses away, so Stella could make out a form, but nothing more. Still, something familiar sparked within her, ignited by the way the creature on the street moved to presumably tuck their hand into their coat pocket. They were dragging a suitcase in their other hand, Stella noticed, and she started to shake. 

A ray of ginger shone like a warm fire surrounded by solid ice. Stella saw a few brave snowflakes flutter down in the beam of light and catch on the vividly coloured strands of the strange creatures’ hair. As the figure moved closer, Stella’s eyes struggled to translate the whirlwind of emotions coursing through her, faster and faster, until the form was so close that there was no doubt as to their identity.

Dana?

Stella watched how the shape of the woman who was supposed to live in her laptop, on her phone, looked up at her expectantly from the cold London street outside Stella’s apartment. She pushed herself up out of her chair a little to have a better view of what surely was a figment of her imagination, right? However, their eyes met and Stella watched how warmth spread like a phoenix from the ashes throughout Dana Scully’s entire being. A small, hopeful, almost apologetic smile formed and Stella felt her jaw physically start to tremble in her body’s effort to keep up. ‘What…’ she mumbled to herself, still half thinking she might be dreaming. Outside, the form of her fiancée moved closer, snow dancing around her like fireflies drawn to her warmth. Stella pushed herself up out of her chair and clutched her glass in both hands. Dana drew closer, and finally there was no denying it anymore.

Stella’s legs carried her to her front door just as Dana turned onto the small path to Stella’s doorstep. Stella’s door creaked from the cold, and Stella shivered as the wind carried in a few stray snowflakes. Slowly she raised her eyes to wander across the image in front of her.

Sneakers, darkened from the snow and most likely ruined by the salt on the street. Jeans, dark navy, almost black. A tan coat, a long, thick one that Stella had seen before. Then, five pale, slender fingers that curled around the handle of a big dark suitcase. No gloves, Stella noticed. Shoulders that tensed a bit under Stella’s scrutiny before the arrow created by a thick ginger braid revealed two deep, pure pools of eternity. ‘Hi,’ Dana rasped. Her eyes glittered in the cold and crystals shone everywhere, in her eyes, on the bridge of her nose, in the waves of her beautiful hair.

‘I was… just thinking of you,’ Stella breathed. ‘I… Where did you come from?’ 

‘Airport,’ Scully gestured aimlessly, her voice tender and unsure behind her white medical face mask. ‘Can I…’ She shivered and vaguely waved in front of her.

‘Of course,’ Stella stepped aside to let Scully’s now shaking body in at an acceptable distance, more so out of habit than anything else. ‘It’s freaking cold,’ Scully huffed, more to herself than anyone else and with the sole purpose of filling a silence. Stella just regarded her.

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Surely it must be a figment of her imagination, some sick trick her mind played on her after months of solitude. And yet, she looked so real. Smelled so real as she drifted past. The fresh scent of winter hung around them, frosty and blue, mixed with excitement and tenderness. Stella was speechless, a frown having carved its way between her eyebrows as she watched Scully slowly lose her confidence. This was probably as far as she’d planned ahead. There was no play here, all options were out on the table - and Stella was now supposed to make the next move. As her heart melted, her brain froze.

Dana slowly turned towards Stella who pensively clicked the door in its lock. She focused on placing her suitcase against the wall of Stella’s hallway before sighing deeply. Her eyes took a slow path up Stella’s form, noticing her house socks, legging and oversized jumper on her slender body. Her cheeks were flushed and something serendipitous hung in the air between them. Stella looked so small in the grandness of her home, so warm and almost like she was floating on a dream.

That dream seemed to slowly dissolve into the truth and Dana watched how the mist before Stella’s eyes started to steadily drift away. Stella took a deep breath, pressed her lips together, put one graceful hand to her own cheek and finally found her way to Dana’s gaze. She blinked a few times, her eyes shifting to the door behind Dana and back as if she was still anticipating Dana to disappear into thin air. Finally, it was her disbelief that gave up and flew away on the wings of a small smile that found its way onto Stella’s glowing cheeks. 

‘You can take your mask off,’ Stella said quietly, her other hand half-heartedly pointing in the direction of Dana’s face.

‘I thought… maybe you’d want me to keep it on,’ Scully almost whispered through the KN-95 protective fabric.

Stella choked up as tears fought their ways to the corners of her eyes. 

‘Of course not, silly,’ she sniffed as her lip trembled, and her body finally, bravely, gave up.

She let out a shuddering breath in an attempt to stay upright. Her knees almost failed her and with a deep exhale she caught Scully in the most soul-searing embrace they’d ever shared. 

Or maybe Scully caught her, Stella didn’t know. All she knew was the beautiful reality of Dana’s existence being right at her fingertips again. Her arms flung themselves around Scully’s shoulders and she buried her nose in the softening ice that clung to Dana’s hair. Crushing Dana’s cold body to hers she held her tightly, unable to fully comprehend that she was real, that she was here. 

After so long, with so little hope. 

She was here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you again to EnigmaticDoctorScully [@ enigmascully on twitter]. Without her help this would 1) not be published and 2) already be full of repetition and dumb continuity errors.

Scully felt Stella’s fingers dig into her shoulder, then move up to cling desperately to her hair as her own arms locked behind the small of Stella’s back. She grabbed the wool of Stella’s knitted jumper and hung onto it, reveling in Stella’s warmth and softness as a sense of homecoming just washed over her. 

And she realized that every step of the way, she’d been in doubt. Every move she’d made since yesterday had been followed by a question posed by the realist in her brain: What if this is a mistake? Up until now, that question had gone unanswered. But now that she was here, across the final threshold that had separated them for so long, Dana Scully was sure about one thing. This is where she belonged. This, was home.

They clung to each other until Scully sniffed. Stella pulled back, her face glowing and happy. Their eyes met to confirm each other’s presence once more and Scully stepped back a little, taking off her mask. Stella smoothed down her jumper and pointed to the living room. ‘Get in there, you must be freezing.’

Scully shrugged off her coat and hung it on an empty hook on Stella’s wall. ‘Are you sure you’re okay with me taking off my mask?’ she asked one last time. ‘The cold combined with recycled air has made me a bit stuffy.’ 

Stella looked back at her. ‘Yes, I’m sure.’

Scully smiled broadly and Stella mirrored her smile, and Scully thought she’d rarely seen Stella radiate happiness and hope like this. Had she ever?

Scully looked away and kicked off her shoes. She moaned at how cold her feet were as they made contact with the floorboards, socks drenched from the short walk from the cab to Stella’s door. ‘Hold on, I’ll get you a dry pair,’ Stella said as she hurried up the stairs. ‘Anything else that you need?’ she called back down at her girlfriend, who stood there and watched. 

Dana breathed in the air around her and took a second to absorb her surroundings. She smelled a candle somewhere, and the lightest touch of alcohol hung around her. ‘No, I don’t think so,’ she called back as she checked to see if anything else got wet. Her rollneck jumper and pants seemed mostly fine. 

‘Joggers?’ Stella suggested as she held up a pair of long black tracksuit bottoms from the top of the stairs. ‘They’re warm,’ she tried to seduce Dana with a saucy grin. ‘And soft.’

‘Okay,’ Scully smiled. ‘Are we still talking about clothes?’ 

Stella chuckled as she came downstairs, finding some relief in the rusty ease with which they fell back into their choked-up rhythm. ‘Thank you,’ Scully said softly as she accepted the socks and trousers Stella provided. Stella just licked her lips and searchingly roamed her eyes across Dana’s form once more.

‘Tea?’ she finally asked as she walked to her kitchen. Scully hummed softly. ‘Yes, please. I’ll be right back.’ Stella heard the bathroom door open and close and something inside of her burned comfortably at Dana’s familiarity with her house. That’s right, dearest, she thought. This is your home too.

Stella watched the turbulence of the boiling water as she brewed their tea and waited for Dana. She felt a similar stirring in her heart, partially from the sheer shock of having Dana show up at her door but also from the relief and comfort that was slowly seeping into every corner of her being.

Behind the bathroom door Scully took a long, deep breath in an attempt to relax her raging nerves before peeling off her soaked socks, grabbing a towel and freshening up as much as she could without getting even colder. She pulled on Stella’s socks after slowly touching the threads with her fingers, still slightly disillusioned that this was actually happening. She’d considered everything, and it wasn’t something she’d done lightly, but still actually being here and feeling the gravity of everything during her trip was something she knew she’d be unprepared for. Adrenaline was pumping and it was making her slightly shaky, and that combined with London’s icy demeanor made for a chilling combination. Stella’s house was warm, though, and every step she’d taken had felt like the right one. Even though Scully had had no idea what she was walking into, she’d known it would be a place of warmth above all else. Even the tiles of Stella’s bathroom floor underneath her cold feet felt familiar somehow, and Scully sighed in relief as she realized that her deepest fear had been unfounded. 

This really was her home too.

Soon Dana reappeared in the doorway, wearing Stella’s chunky socks and trousers. ‘That’s much better, thank you,’ Dana admitted with a smile. ‘I guess I should apologize for showing up out of the blue, on Christmas Eve of all days.’ 

‘You don’t,’ Stella shook her head lightly. Dana felt her breath hitch in her throat at the sight of the soft blonde wisps framing Stella’s face where they had escaped the scrunchie holding together her loose ponytail. She looked so bare, so stripped back, everything she felt and thought just plainly written across her entire body and Scully wondered if she’d ever seen Stella so open. 

There were many things left unsaid between them since they last spoke. It had been a few days, and the way they had left things had made both of them very aware of their situation and their differences. However, where it was Stella’s instinct to withdraw, Dana had always been one to push forward and sacrifice the safety of her heart for a possibility. Dana had known Stella might withdraw during the holidays, because it had never been a particularly happy time for her. She also knew Stella would come back to her when she could. But she hadn’t anticipated how much she’d miss her, how dark the void would be when Stella did turn away. Seeing Stella today just reaffirmed to her that they should know better than to allow the other to disappear.

As Dana watched, Stella grabbed a second mug and moved it over to her coffee table before getting the pot of tea she’d made. She generously filled Dana’s cup and sat down, silently inviting Dana to do the same. They were almost dancing around each other, familiar yet careful, and Stella knew Dana would ask of her to vocalize feelings she didn’t know could be described with any words in her vocabulary. 

‘I’m glad you’re here,’ she started, a slight waver in her voice. ‘I won’t say I’m not curious as to why, but as long as you’re okay, the explanation can wait.’

Scully walked over to the couch and found a spot next to Stella that didn’t feel too far away, but wasn’t close either. Stella silently took note of her distance and turned her shoulders towards Scully, carefully opening up with her body before reaching for her hand. Scully did the one thing she knew for certain would connect them on more than a corporeal level - she folded Stella’s long fingers between hers, entwining their hands as she exhaled slowly. Stella’s fingers were cold, and so were hers, but her fiancées grip was strong and left no doubts in Dana’s mind about Stella’s feelings.

‘Nothing is wrong. Nothing happened,’ Scully whispered. ‘I just woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t do it anymore.’

Stella knew what that meant. She could look beyond the carefully but thinly crafted veil that Dana had carried with her, the mask of ‘fine’ that she was slowly taking off. She was desperate. They both were. 

‘I canceled on you, again’ Stella said softly, suddenly very aware of her selfishness. She’d never stopped to consider how Dana felt about it all. It must be hard for her too, having family and dear friends and being unable to see them during their cherished holidays. And yet, here she was.

‘Yes, you did,’ Scully said, ‘And it’s been too long. I’ve thought about this a lot, Stella. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing but I know we need each other. I need you.’

‘Dana,’ Stella just breathed, and to Dana it sounded like the deepest, most beautiful and profound thing she’d ever said.

Scully scooted closer and cast her eyes up at Stella, unable to bear any weight of distance between them now that she was here. Stella released her hand and pulled her close, burying her fingers in the soft cotton mix of Dana’s jumper as she reeled it in. Stella’s eyes stayed focused on their steaming mugs, her gaze far away yet completely grounded. Scully came into her arms willingly, and Stella noted how thin and light Dana felt even though she wasn’t holding Dana’s weight up at all. She felt smaller, she moved like thin air. An ache pierced through her chest at the idea of what Dana’s suffering must have been and Stella let her hand clutch onto anything Scully was willing to give her - which, right now, felt like everything.

Scully moved and moved until she was intertwined with Stella, her cold limbs woven under and across Stella’s warmth. She buried her chin on top of Stella’s shoulder, in the golden crook of Stella’s neck. Her gentle breath tickled Stella’s skin and they both released a deep sigh, bathing in the scent of everything that separated yet connected them - the fresh, clean ocean air in Dana’s locks, the voluptuous English landscape on Stella’s skin and a hint of cinnamon from the flame that burned gently on the table and between them.

They curled around each other like waves, touching everywhere and existing as one even though there was a definite divide where hot met cold. Stella’s lips parted in a small gasp when Dana’s still frozen fingers found their way to the small patch of exposed skin on the small of Stella’s back. ‘Sorry,’ Dana mumbled but Stella just pulled her in a little deeper, her fingers digging into Scully’s jumper in an almost cat-like gesture. 

They sat like that for a long while, listening to the sound of their hearts thumping loudly in their chests. I’m alive, they seemed to sing, I’m alive and I’m here.

Time passed quietly until Stella noticed a slight shiver in Dana. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, she guessed, and she must be cold and tired if Stella’s calculations were correct - Scully must have been travelling since the very early hours of her morning. 

‘Pull your feet up,’ Stella mumbled as she reached over to her right to grab a throw from the basket that resided there. Scully lifted her head and reached out, her back cracking loudly as she did. Scully chuckled and softly let her head fall back into its soft pillow as Stella helped her pull the blanket across both of them. She adjusted her position a little until one of her arms was cradling Dana’s neck, her fingers playing with the structure of Dana’s loose braid. 

Their bodies adjusted to each other again as they melted together, their temperatures slowly matching as their heartbeats reached out to find one another. They met in the middle, Dana’s exhaustive day finally catching up to her as she dozed off. Stella kept guard, her hands rhythmically and softly squeezing whichever part of Dana they held, just to make sure she was real.

‘This is nice,’ Scully said in a heavy voice. Stella hummed softly, some part of her surprised Dana was awake. ‘It is. I can’t believe you are here.’

‘Neither can I,’ Scully whimpered.

‘Do you want to tell me how you got here?’ Stella inquired very carefully. ‘You don’t have to if this is not the time, I’m perfectly happy just accepting the fact that you are here. But Dana, you’re not supposed to be travelling…’

‘I know, Stel,’ Scully groaned. ‘And I should probably tell you I’m going to be quarantining for the next ten days… I’m sorry.’

‘Now, I’m not going to tell you again,’ Stella scolded her lightly. ‘I have enough supplies to last a few days. We’ll just have to order what we don’t have. I’m only asking because I’m worried for your safety. It’s a risk, Dana. You shouldn’t be playing with your health like that.’

‘I think I should be the judge of that,’ Scully said, her voice losing the warm edge that it had held until now. ‘It wasn’t a rash decision. I considered the options and carefully weighed the risk.’

‘We managed this long, we could have endured longer,’ Stella countered.

‘Not without sacrifice,’ Scully said. ‘Some things were chipping, Stel. Peeling off like old paint on an ancient building.’

‘The foundation would have remained,’ Stella mused. ‘It’s just the thinnest of top layers that takes the damage.’

‘I don’t want us to take any more damage,’ Scully sighed. ‘I don’t want to test how far we can go until something irreversible hits us.’

‘Well, you’re here,’ Stella said, her voice heavier than Dana had expected. It held a darkness, a burden that Scully didn’t know and didn’t like. ‘We’ll never have to find out how much more we could shoulder,’ Stella continued. ‘I guess relationships either stand the trial of time or they wither under its weight. At first I thought we were the former, then, for a time, I wasn’t sure. But I don’t think it says anything about what we share, Dana. Just about us as individuals. How patient we are. How persistent.’

‘I’m persistent,’ Dana stated, slightly defensive.

‘But I am not patient,’ Stella said. Scully shook her head softly into Stella’s body. ‘I disagree,’ she said, ‘If all of this has proven anything it is that you are as patient as you have to be.’

‘Still you felt the need to come here,’ Stella softly said after a few seconds of silence.

Scully was unsure if it was meant for her to hear, but she did, and somewhere deep down a tiny thorn jabbed at her heart.

‘Sorry if I overstepped,’ she whispered. ‘It wasn’t meant as a sign of distrust.’

Stella sighed deeply, her shoulders lifting as her lungs filled. Dana raised her head to tilt her chin upwards, trying to read the lines on Stella’s face but they showed nothing. Stella disentangled herself and sat up a little, waiting for Dana to adjust her position before she finally turned to her and spoke. 

‘I was going to just warm up some soup, but now that you’re here maybe we should support a local restaurant and order in.’

Scully watched her and shrugged. ‘You don’t have to. Soup is fine.’

‘I’ll get the menu,’ Stella ignored her as she turned away and headed for her kitchen counter.

Scully watched as Stella padded across the floor with straight shoulders, a vision of domesticity yet shrouded in a cloak of barely hidden discomfort.

Stella reached her countertop and rummaged through the array of restaurant menus that had been dropped in her letterbox during the past week. She busied her hands folding and unfolding some of the promotional slips she knew to be the wrong ones in an attempt to dissipate the negative energy she’d unwillingly created.

When she reached for the correct menu for the third time she gave up on pretending and turned back towards Dana, grabbing her phone as she went. ‘So, how does a three-course vegetarian dinner sound?’ 

‘Stella,’ Scully just said as she sat on the edge of Stella’s sofa, her elbows leaning on her knees. 

Stella looked at her, two icy blue eyes fiercely begging Stella to see her. To just look and see and stop pretending or defending for one moment. Stella recognized that look. She’d seen it on her screen more times than she could count over the past year, and it hadn’t always been on the incoming call either. It was different, being in the same room and breathing the same air, and somehow she’d forgotten how much they knew each other and how in tune they could be. 

Stella watched how Scully rubbed her thighs and stood up, touched her palm to her forehead and licked her lips before just standing there, handing the moment to Stella with a heavy heart and a tired but hopeful look in her eyes.

Stella walked over and gingerly put the menu on the table before turning to Scully, who still stood a few feet away. In that singular moment she felt the weight of the past year slowly settle like heavy snowfall on and around them. Dense, thick air told the story of their careful footsteps, towards, away from and circling each other all the while trying not to be the first one to taint the pristine white landscape that covered the last distance between them. 

But even untainted snow melts eventually, Stella knew, and there was a certain beauty in being the first one to take a step.

‘It’s not that I’m unhappy you’re here, you know that, right?’ Stella asked, her eyes as unsure as her voice. 

‘Oh Stella,’ Scully’s face fell. ‘Of course I know. Come here.’ She reached out and wrapped Stella in her arms again, her lips catching Stella’s jaw as she pulled her close. She felt Stella melt into her, all her leftover strength dissipating into Dana’s bones as the roles reversed. Scully held her up, shielded her from her own emotions and hung onto her so tightly she was afraid she might crush her. ‘I love you, Stella,’ she whispered, and her body responded to Stella’s shiver with deep contentment and happiness. 

It was still there. 

It still felt the same. 

It would never be different. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thanks again to EnigmaticDoctorScully (@ enigmascully). You're the writing soundboard I did not know I needed.

_ Book mentioned later in the chapter: Empty Without You: The Intimate Letters by Eleanor Roosevelt and Lorena Hickok.  _

The moments after their embrace were disarmingly simple. 

Stella withdrew first, cupped Scully’s jaw in her hand and softly swirled her thumb across the laugh lines formed by Dana’s sweet smile. Scully covered her hand and turned her lips to place a kiss, closing her eyes at the mere fact that she was able to touch Stella again. ‘So, dinner,’ Stella said as she took Dana’s hand fully in hers and pulled her back to the couch. She sat down and pulled Dana down next to her before reaching for the menu she’d put on the table. ‘This is one of my local restaurants that has had to close during the crisis,’ Stella told her, ‘But they’re able to deliver and the food’s great, especially the burgers are better than ever. Also, I’m trying to support smaller businesses, so I’d say it’s a win-win either way. Pick anything you want, my treat.’

‘Anything?’ Scully asked innocently as she let her eyes skim the menu. 

‘Please don’t be a cliché and say you want me for dinner,’ Stella groaned as she sunk into the back of the couch.

‘I wasn’t,’ Scully looked back at her. ‘Also, you’re a whole ass meal, as the kids say.’ 

Stella almost choked on her breath as she burst out laughing. ‘Oh my God,’ she managed before laying her head back against the fabric of her sofa and relishing in the freedom of being able to laugh at something. Scully watched with a smirk plastered across her lips, her heart jumping with joy at the sight of Stella’s. 

Stella calmed down and sighed deeply, rolling her head to face Dana. ‘Thank you,’ she said, and Scully just simply looked at her and smiled back. 

Dinner was ordered by Stella, Scully giving her free reign over the menu as Stella seemed to know what she was doing. Stella opted for reheating her leftover soup as a starter since she knew it would go well with her choice of dinner - plus, she wanted Dana to taste her seasonal creation. Soon, a delivery boy dropped off their vegetarian dinner and Stella listened with interest how Scully, who had rushed to open the door, struggled through tipping and thanking the teenager. Scully came back carrying two paper bags. ‘They’re so young and already doing that,’ Scully wondered, ‘Even now. He was so nice about it, I gave him a little extra.’ Stella moved to rearrange their plates and cutlery. ‘I’m surprised you had loose change on you,’ she said. ‘And I’m sure he appreciated it. They must be extremely busy these days.’

Scully put down the bags and started to unpack the paper containers. ‘I had a few loose pounds in the pockets of my pants, which I left in the hallway,’ she explained. ‘I kept some change from the last time I was here. It…’ she stopped.

‘What?’ Stella prodded her for more as she reached to grab Dana’s plate and bowl. She had ordered veggie burgers and, knowing it was both their favorite, a chocolate lava cake, her go-to dinner combination that would accompany her day-old soup. Scooping the rich, golden liquid into Dana’s bowl she waited for Dana to continue.

‘It’s probably silly, but I keep a few pounds lying around to remind me I always have a reason to come here,’ Scully finally said. 

Stella handed her back her bowl. ‘You don’t need a reason, Dana.’

‘I know,’ Dana affirmed, ‘but the pounds helped. They weren’t going anywhere.’ 

‘And neither was I,’ Stella finished. Their eyes locked as Dana reached out to take the spoon Stella offered her and she was captured by Stella’s warm, serene expression - the complete opposite of what she’d feared to find. 

The pumpkin and orange soup was spicy and rich, and Scully couldn’t help but appreciatively moan a little as the full flavour filled her stomach. Stella eyed her inconspicuously, but with a tender gaze, grateful for their similar palates and tastes even though she was aware of Dana’s slightly lower tolerance for spice. The recipe’s one-star hotness rating of the soup made it well within Dana’s range and Stella had made sure to ask the restaurant to keep the red onions that usually accompanied the burger. The large single portion of soup Stella had saved was enough to serve as a starter for two and soon their bowls were empty and their bellies warmer than before, a glowing lightness filling them not just from the soup, but from the company as well.

Since burger eating and holding a conversation rarely went hand-in-hand they each took some time reassembling the ingredients on their bun and then ate in silence. Gentle laughs and small exclamations rolled easily between them as a piece of tomato escaped, a sauce drizzled down the curve of Dana’s chin and the last corner of Stella’s vegetarian chicken burger made an attempt to escape the patty. Scully looked over to find Stella watching her a couple of times, and after a while the blush that had risen to her cheeks could no longer be breathed into submission. 

After their burger had been devoured they took a little break before dessert. Stella refilled their only half-empty wine glasses and Scully leaned back on the couch, watching Stella move around in the space she’d come to know so well in virtual space. They’d talked here, laughed, cried, did some yoga and even cooked together, but now that she was actually sitting here, everything felt different. Different, yet somewhere, somehow reassuringly the same. Scully told Stella about her journey, how she’d defied the rules and regulations that had stood between them and had washed up on British shores on a practically empty red-eye flight. Stella listened intently, cautious not to comment or be too vocal about her concerns as she slowly felt them wither away and be replaced by deep, intense gratitude.

Soon, the desire for soft rich chocolate became too great to ignore. Stella opened the box and divided the two dark desserts onto small, soft pink plates, handing one to Dana.

‘Did you know it has been exactly 260 days since we first spoke to each other online?’ Dana inquired as she heartily tucked her spoon into her lava cake. Stella raised her eyebrows. ‘I did not.’

‘Puts things into perspective, doesn’t it,’ Scully mused. ‘That’s a full Sacred Round.’ 

‘According to the Mayans,’ Stella nodded, ‘They’d hypothesize it’s about time to plant new seeds.’ 

‘The Mayans also used chocolate to seal marriage negotiations,’ Scully smiled as she emphasized her words by teasingly pointing her partially chocolate-covered spoon at Stella. ‘Is that what this is?’ 

‘Possibly,’ Stella nodded, ‘Then again I didn’t know we still had ongoing negotiations on that matter.’ 

‘Oh, we don’t,’ Scully huffed, ‘But it’s nice to reaffirm.’ 

‘Stay, and I’ll reaffirm anything you want,’ Stella said softly. 

Scully just blinked slowly, an understanding passing between them of all the things that were now no longer impossible - but strangely, almost frighteningly, in reach.

The chocolate then took up most of their thoughts, melting away any insecurities they might have with the richness of promises and the sweetness of its company. 

‘I’m so glad I came here,’ Scully moaned, ‘this is delicious.’

‘That’s all it takes, huh,’ Stella smiled as she relished her last scoop of chocolate cake. ‘Uhuh,’ Scully managed, her mouth still partially full. ‘I wish I’d flown here sooner.’

‘We couldn’t, Dana,’ Stella gently reminded her. ‘But I’ll welcome any excuse to eat chocolate lava cake with you with open arms.’ 

‘My mom has a recipe for them somewhere, I’ll have to ask her to bake them for you some time,’ Scully mused as she put her spoon down, sat back and pulled up her legs. Stella leaned forward to place her plate back on the coffee table and grab her wine. She looked back at Dana. ‘How is she doing, your mum?’

‘She’s good, you know, considering,’ Dana sighed. ‘I haven’t talked to her a whole lot recently. I think she’s worried I’m taking it upon myself to fix all of this.’

‘She must know you can’t, it’s beyond you,’ Stella said, ‘but having said that, would she be wrong in her assumption?’ 

‘No,’ Scully sighed. ‘Which is part of why I had to get away. I can do what I did there anywhere in the world right now, and it’ll be needed for a very long time to come. There is a point where one becomes invisible in the bigger picture.’ 

Stella hummed quietly.

‘I’m not running away,’ Scully defended herself, even though she knew she didn’t have to. Not against Stella, anyway, but Stella gathered Scully probably needed to believe that herself first. ‘I’m not,’ Scully continued. ‘And it’s not wrong of me to not have a solid plan right now. No one does. I didn’t run away from any responsibilities or obligations, even though I’m sure some would disagree.’ 

‘Well, your choices are your own, and you can disappear anytime you want,’ Stella breathed as she reached for Dana’s wine glass and handed it to her. 

Scully’s hand deliberately closed around Stella’s a little more than necessary and Scully exhaled heavily. ‘I guess so. Merry Christmas.’

‘Ew,’ Stella mockingly grinned away the shiver that sizzled up her spine, but she raised her glass anyway before sipping. 

Time amicably ticked away and the space between them disappeared with every passing second. Scully yawned as she stretched a little, her jaw trembling as her back cracked. 

Stella had seen many yawns, small, big, stifled and full-on open displays of exhaustion over the past year - all of them via a screen of some sorts. To see one here, today, on a day that had started out bad and had promised to end even worse almost physically hurt Stella in its innocence and importance. Today, everything had changed within a matter of minutes. Everything that had felt wrong was starting to fade away. Nothing was resolved, but everything had a resolution, and Scully had reminded her of that with the gift of one simple yawn. It showed her that she wasn’t alone in her exhaustion. That sometimes it’s okay to be tired as hell, incapable of as much as one energized thought - as long as you are willing to show it, accept it, acknowledge it and move forward with it. Stella’s chin trembled as she felt peace wash over her, even though she realized all of what she was feeling was most likely her overly analytical interpretation, and hers alone. 

‘Would it be okay if I took a shower?’ Scully asked as she tried to stifle her yawn halfway through. Stella nodded lightly as she shook herself out of her reverie. ‘Naturally. Use anything you need.’ Scully smiled, fully oblivious to Stella’s shifting focus. ‘Thank you.’ She stood, swaying as her limbs protested against the sudden movements after being allowed to relax for a while. Stella stood up, slightly alarmed and suddenly very much awake. ‘Are you okay?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Scully waved her off. ‘Just tired. I think the rush of today is wearing off, I feel a food coma setting in.’ She chuckled. 

Stella touched her elbow lightly. ‘I’ll get you a towel.’

‘I got it,’ Scully assured her. ‘I’ll be back soon. Just a quick shower. I’m fine, Stel, really,’

Stella studied her expression, trying to catch Dana on a lie, but she found no indication of Scully saying anything but what she believed to be the truth. However, she knew that without the adrenaline and the added pressure of work there must be very little reserves left in Dana’s body, so she vowed to herself to keep a close eye on her girlfriend at all times. Dana Scully would rarely admit to or accept defeat, and Stella knew how that felt and admired Dana greatly for it. But there was no need to pretend anymore. No need to be brave, or strong, not right now on Christmas eve and the realization hit Stella harder than she had anticipated. ‘Wait,’ she called to her before either her courage or Dana had a chance to turn away.

Scully turned and looked up at her, her eyes slightly worried at Stella’s watery but pressing tone. Her brow creased and Stella swallowed against the lump that was rapidly growing in her throat. ‘Dana…’ she just said.

Scully looked at her. Her eyes traveled the planes of Stella’s face and slowly she saw how Stella’s muscles begged, how her eyes worried and how her lips asked for Dana. Nothing else, just Dana. 

And it was true. 

Scully had been putting on a brave face. She’d been straining to stay up, to smile, to suggest she was anything but utterly and completely exhausted mentally and physically. Slowly the emotions of seeing Stella had been building up and culminating into this moment right here where Stella was asking so much, so much that it became almost too heavy for Dana to bear. ‘Stel,’ she whimpered in response, and her hand caught Stella’s forearm that had been hovering just below her wrist. Scully’s fingers dug into Stella’s jumper, grasping the material and pulling it closer until she felt Stella’s body radiate close to her own.

Their eyes got lost in each other and found themselves, roaming across the sea that separated them as well as connected them on planes unknown to anyone but themselves. Scully was aware of Stella’s shuddering breath on her cheeks as they moved closer until finally her eyes closed, filled with an ocean of emotions as well as a deep and heavy sense of safety. Her eyelids drifted shut and she felt Stella’s nose softly touch hers, a gentle nudge to ask permission. For what, Dana didn’t know, but in this moment she knew she’d grant Stella anything she could ever ask for. Tilting her chin up Scully raised her lips to where she knew she’d find Stella’s and there she was, warm, gentle and familiar yet new and fresh and most of all - hers.

It had been a while since she’d touched another human being in a scenario other than metal ICU beds and ice cold hospital hallways, and the crystal clear sensation cut straight to Dana’s core.

Stella’s kiss seemed tentative at first, nothing more than a small exhale across soft lips, but Scully felt relief slowly flood every nerve in her body as Stella touched her hand to Scully’s hip and pulled her closer. Their mouths sealed, almost unmoving, but getting closer and closer until they felt a smile erupt between them. Neither knew where it started, but it allowed them to join even deeper, and the breath that escaped Scully was swallowed by Stella as Stella kissed her in earnest. Stella’s lips were warm and gentle, soft like Scully remembered them, and promising as she had hoped they would still be - and Scully couldn’t remember for the life of her why she’d feared them to be otherwise as all she wished was for her own kiss to reflect everything Stella was giving her. 

Scully’s breath forced them apart for a second only, but that second was long enough for Stella to find Scully’s eyes and seal their fate for a lifetime to come. Scully sobbed, not in sadness but in the utter and complete feeling of homecoming as she pulled Stella in again, both arms coming around Stella’s neck to hang onto her for dear life as her lips captured the blonde’s again. Stella lightly bit Dana’s bottom lip and pushed her tongue past the soft barrier, gently caressing Dana’s mouth as her hands slid up Dana’s body to glide up under her jumper. Scully felt Stella’s fingers work her t-shirt from her trousers and she smiled into the kiss as she felt Stella’s hands on the bare skin of her back. Stella pulled Dana’s small body close, one palm firmly on either side of her spine. She softened her kiss to gentle touches as she truly felt the effects of the past year on Dana’s body. ‘I’ve got you,’ she whispered, and Scully pushed into her as she kissed Stella more deeply. ‘I know,’ she sighed before breaking the kiss and burying face in Stella’s neck, hiding from the world for a blissful second before wanting to pull back but Stella held her firmly. ‘Stay a while,’ Stella requested, and Scully did, unwilling to move any more.

When they did finally separate Stella stood back as Dana pulled her t-shirt and jumper back down, straightened them, smiled at her and headed for the bathroom. 

She came back not thirty minutes later, wearing Stella’s robe over the joggers she’d borrowed. Her face looked slightly flushed, and her hair was still damp and up in a bun. Stella had settled on the floor, a glass of scotch with one large ice cube in the middle accompanying her on the journey of memories she’d been on while listening to the sounds of Dana in her shower. She smiled up at Scully who shyly returned the smile, and Stella’s heart clenched at the sight of Dana so open, so vulnerable. So real.

‘Join me,’ Stella invited Dana over as she pushed herself up, patting the couch before going over to the freezer to grab Dana’s ice cube. ‘Scotch?’

‘Just a little, I’m tired and I don’t want to fall asleep on you,’ Scully said. The ice cube clinked loudly as it hit the thick bottom of the glass. Stella poured carefully and held the glass up to Dana to judge, who nodded and watched Stella move back into their den of warmth. Stella had, in Dana’s absence, unfolded a blanket and gathered all of her pillows to create somewhat of a hideaway, a corner in which they could just be together and no one would know. A superfluous notion, of course, with the curtains drawn and the front door locked they were as safe as they could be, but Scully recognized the gesture and appreciated it beyond words. Stella put Scully’s glass on a coaster and put down the bottle on a small knitted piece of yarn, one Dana raised her eyebrows at. ‘I didn’t make that, in case you were wondering,’ Stella said. ‘Someone gifted it to me.’ 

‘I wasn’t going to ask,’ Scully smiled as she took a sip of the amber liquid that reflected Stella’s fairy lights like sparkling fireflies in a bottle. The alcohol burned as it slid down her throat and Scully let out a small moan. ‘Good?’ Stella inquired as she settled next to Dana, who’d chosen a spot on the floor as well. ‘Very,’ Scully sighed. ‘Oh, I just realized something.’ 

‘What is it?’ 

‘I didn’t bring you any gifts.’

‘Gifts?’ Stella questioned.

‘It’s Christmas Eve, Stella,’ Scully chastised as she lightly elbowed Stella. ‘I should have brought you something.’ 

‘You did,’ Stella said as she raised her arm to release her hair from the scrunchie that was, at this point, barely of any use. ‘Just by being here you brought hope.’ 

‘Hope?’ Scully scoffed as she watched Stella’s hair curl into freedom around her shoulders. ‘We’re in the middle of a global crisis, Stella. My being here has nothing to do with hope.’

‘We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope,’ Stella quoted. 

‘Martin Luther King,’ Scully smiled.

‘Yes, but that’s beside the point. You made the unknowable stretch of time finite and with that gave freedom to the future, Dana. It’s hard not to lose hope in an unprecedented time like this and yet you managed to hang on to it, and carry it here. That’s a remarkable feat.’

‘You make it sound so heroic,’ Scully sighed. ‘I wouldn’t have been here if it weren’t for you. You kept me going, Stella.’

‘Nonsense,’ Stella waved her off, ‘You would have been brilliant with or without me. And whether you believe that or not is irrelevant, because I could say the same for you and you’d oppose that statement with as much conviction as you just did.’

‘You’re right,’ Scully smiled. ‘Truce?’

‘Truce,’ Stella agreed. 

Whatever space there was left between them disappeared silently into the night as they sat together, their minds separate entities on the same plane of existence. There were many questions, some of them shared, but all of them could wait to be answered. As long as they were together, they were safe, and at long last their souls felt that safety as something real again. After having been apart for so long their hearts had been afraid they’d have forgotten the definition of peace, but Stella had been right - if nothing else, they had hope. Hope was strong, and hope was the seed from which dreams could grow, and for a while they just nurtured that little gem that quietly curled up between them. 

‘I am curious,’ Stella wondered out loud after long, quiet moments. ‘Why choose me? Why not go to your family, your home?’ 

Scully leaned forward and extended her arm to reach for the bottle of scotch. ‘You’re not going to let this go, are you.’ She unscrewed the lid and refilled Stella’s glass before putting the bottle down on the floor in front of them. Stella smirked, but didn’t comment.

‘There’s more important bonds than one’s blood relatives, sometimes,’ Scully mused. ‘I miss them too, of course. But they’re my past, and only some of them are my present. You form my future.’ 

Stella eyed her, partially impressed by Dana’s clarity of mind and partially trying to catch up to Scully’s train of thought as it ran right past the stations Stella had envisioned it to call at. She reached for the glass Scully had refilled and took a sip. ‘I’m certain that would make a lot of sense were I to be sober,’ she said, ‘but seeing as I’m not I’ll settle for you promising me to call your mum tomorrow. It’s Christmas Dana, a holiday of importance to you and your family. They’ll miss you.’ 

‘All right, I promise,’ Scully nodded as she too sipped her drink. ‘How about we call her together? I can introduce you.’ 

Stella was quiet for a moment as she put her glass down. She followed the movement of her own hand back to the top of her left thigh where she fidgeted with the hem of her jumper. She wanted to get to know Margaret Scully, of course, didn’t she? Did she? Why hadn’t she, yet? Stella felt a storm brewing in her mind and she tried to slow it with a deep, measured breath. Scully noticed the quiet count, of course. 

‘Or not,’ she said. ‘No pressure, I just thought you might like it.’

‘I’d like to, it’d be my honor’ Stella said, her voice a low thrum rather than the strong sound she’d intended. ‘If that’s okay with you.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Scully said, her voice pitched with excitement. ‘I mean, I want to tell my family about us, and I want you to be there.’

Stella gently smiled at her. ‘Us,’ she pondered slowly. 

‘Yes,’ Scully raised her eyebrow, ‘Us.’

‘Are you worried about their response?’ Stella asked. ‘Gosh, I don’t know,’ Scully breathed heavily, ‘And I don’t want to think about that now. Can we not think about that?’

‘All right,’ Stella chuckled. ‘I’ll be here, and we’ll tell your mum about us.’ She leaned her head back into the couch and Scully did too, some tension and uncertainty passing between them at the notion of ‘us’. There was so much they needed to rediscover, so many aspects of their relationship that had to be unearthed after being buried for almost a year, that Stella was a little apprehensive about their timing. However, it was the right time, and the right place, she thought. Underneath the bedrock of it all it felt right. 

Then, a light switched on in her brain as she watched the gentle sway of liquid in Scully’s glass. She cast a glance over at Dana, who licked her lips and swallowed before closing her eyes. As Scully’s mouth parted in relaxation, her chin slowly tilting down, Stella made up her mind. ‘Stay here,’ she whispered so as not to disturb the peace that was settling in Dana, ‘I’ll be right back.’ 

Her heart ached when Dana didn’t reply, just nodded softly while keeping her eyes closed. 

Scully’s brain momentarily flashed upon the memory of how Stella disappeared during the first time she’d visited her here. Back then, everything had been different, yet some things were the same - They’d again not seen each other for a year. However, this time around Scully never once doubted where she and Stella stood. Stella might be leaving her, yes, but she wasn’t walking away. The question of what she could be doing passed her mind but didn’t latch on, although she found herself trying to listen to what was going on upstairs. Scully knew Stella had renovated a few spaces upstairs, and she’d been amazed by Stella’s hidden talents - every time she thought she knew everything there was to know about the woman she loved, Stella surprised her with something new and unexpected. What was next? Scully’s slightly sleep-shrouded brain had trouble focusing on any one thought, so she gave up on solving the mystery of Stella and just waited for her to reappear.

Upstairs, Stella shifted her mind into gear as she went through the bookshelves of the room that was now her home office. One book. She only needed one. Her eye fell to a copy of  _ Empty Without You _ , a collection she’d read long ago and had re-read a few times ever since, and it had seen better days. Stella knew the contents or looks wouldn’t matter much for what she had in mind, but she still found importance in making the right choice - and this was it, she thought. She took the book from its position and examined it, took out the old bookmark that stuck out at the end and looked around for some wrapping paper. She came across some brown tissue paper first and decided that was even better, wrapped the book and managed to quickly craft something resembling a flower in the middle. After cutting off a piece of yarn she found in her stationery supply drawer she took everything to the bedroom. The final piece was waiting in Dana’s bedside table, and Stella’s heart beat loudly in her chest as she gathered it. She listened to see if Dana was coming, but didn’t hear her, and decided to quickly finish up before collecting herself. She put the wrapped present on the small piece of furniture she’d long ago decided was meant for her intended before reviewing her work and swallowing, her nerves playing with her courage high up in her chest.

Downstairs, Scully absent-mindedly listened to the light, but seemingly hurried footfalls that tapped on the floor above her. She smiled to herself as she followed Stella around in her mind, thinking about how she would soon be in Stella’s bath again. In her bedroom. In her bed. She wondered what Stella might be doing and she hoped she hadn’t put pressure on her by just showing up out of the blue. However Stella wouldn’t be one to hurriedly put away laundry or shove pizza boxes under the bed, Scully thought, and she quietly laughed at herself just as she heard Stella come downstairs again.

Stella reappeared in the doorway, pulling Scully’s obedient suitcase in next to her. ‘Are you coming to bed?’ she asked. 

‘What did you do?’ Scully asked as she pushed herself up to curiously eye Stella’s stern stance.

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Stella replied dryly, and if Scully didn’t know her better she’d have thought Stella was offended by the question. ‘Okay,’ Scully conceded, willing to let Stella get away with it for a moment longer. After all, she’d find out soon enough. She moved over to Stella on unsteady legs, as much affected by the events of the day as the drinks and the company. Scully approached Stella in the doorway and came to stand next to her when Stella didn’t immediately move.

Stella let the corner of her mouth curl up as she regarded the mess they would leave. Scully followed her gaze and smiled, a youthful rebellious feeling boiling up inside of her. ‘Yeah,’ I’m coming. Go ahead, I’m right behind you.’ Stella turned around the corner into the hallway and out of sight, and Scully heard the familiar sounds of her suitcase handle being lowered as Stella took control of carrying her things upstairs. She’d brought very little luggage considering she wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon, but Stella didn’t know that yet - and hadn’t asked, Scully thought. She let her gaze wander around the room once more and turned to collect whatever clothes she’d left in Stella’s hallway before following her upstairs.

Stella pushed Scully’s suitcase ahead of her into her bedroom. Scully followed, already appreciative of the new coat of paint that had brightened up Stella’s upstairs hallway - it had been covered in wallpaper the last time Scully had seen it, grayish and intentionally unremarkable, but Stella had apparently been bored enough to strip and paint every wall a fresh, clear light blue instead. It reminded Scully instantly of the snow-covered world outside, and it all felt like a fairytale about to begin. The soft light above them guided Scully towards the refurbished bedroom, which she’d already seen a lot of - just never in person, and she wondered for a moment if the difference would be as palpable as seeing and touching Stella had been. 

The first thing that engulfed her was warmth. It wasn’t something people often associated it with Stella and Scully knew it was rare for Stella to display it so openly, so the sensation overwhelmed her a little as she came to a halt in the doorway. Stella stood next to her, her back towards the bed as she held open the door to Dana. Scully cast her eyes up at Stella’s in a silent thanks - just the sheer vulnerability and quietness that radiated from the room was enough for Scully to understand what this meant. This wasn’t Stella’s room anymore. It hadn’t been for a while. It was their room now, and this was not to be shared with anyone anymore, ever.

Before, Stella’s bedroom walls had been just that, walls, keeping things in and out and exactly where they belonged, they were now clouds, Dana thought. Or a snowy fog surrounding and guarding them. Or no, just a really big, touchable sunrise on a cold winter’s morning - Stella’s eyes being the snowflakes melting in the sun as it shone from her soul. Scully scoffed at her own dreamy imagination and Stella raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Something funny?’ 

‘No, no,’ Scully shook her head as she reached for Stella’s hand to be guided inside, ‘I love what you’ve done with this. It’s very beautiful. Very you.’ 

‘Hmm,’ Stella said as she pushed the door half-shut behind Scully, allowing a coat hanger with one of her wrinkle-sensitive linen mix blouses to remain in its place on the door. ‘It now reminds me of you every time I walk in.’ 

‘I was just thinking it reminds me of you,’ Scully smiled as she turned around to face Stella. ‘Although I do miss the lamp.’

‘It’s in storage,’ Stella said as she smiled softly at Dana’s stubbornness, ‘and it’s yours if you want it.’ 

Scully softly squeezed Stella’s hand before releasing it. She walked fully into the room and studied it, trying to take in as much as she could even though she could feel her focus drifting from one thing to another. The bed had been moved, and Scully saw a beautiful dark brown violin had replaced the artwork above it. Scully looked at it for a moment and wondered if, and how well, Stella could play. She then noticed Stella’s old nightstands on either side of the large, pillow-covered bed. The stand on the right held Stella’s dream journal, a stack of books to read and a fancy bowl with a few untouched Ferrero Rocher. The other nightstand, the one on the left - the one Stella seemed to be cautiously guarding as she was still by the door - had only two things. An elegant white vase with soft pink roses, and, in the middle of the otherwise empty wooden table top - a gift.

Her eyes focused onto the gift before her brain did. Stella noticed, and she saw how Scully seemed instantly less at ease but more fully and firmly planted in the present as well. Stella watched as the cloud that had drifted around Scully’s brain lifted from her eyes as if commanded to leave, and suddenly everything was quiet.

Stella folded her hands behind her back as she leaned against the wall, observing Dana who was unsure what to do. ‘Stel,’ she said after a few moments. ‘Yes,’ Stella just replied. Scully looked from Stella to the gift and back to Stella, who just smiled invitingly. ‘Take it,’ she said, her chin indicating to Scully to reach for her present. Scully blinked heavily and swallowed before gently grasping the small package between her fingers. The paper crunched lightly under the weight of her hand and Stella wondered if Scully would notice the little addition she’d made on top. She saw Scully turn around and sit on the bed as her eyes studied everything she held in her hands. Something shimmered between the carefully crafted leaves adorning the gift and Scully lifted nimble fingers to investigate.

‘Oh my God,’ she breathed.

She stopped and looked up at Stella, who had pushed herself off the wall and was trying with all her might not to cross her arms and to maintain her seemingly calm exterior. ‘Stella,’ Scully sighed as she felt tears well up as everything that had happened in the past year crashed down upon her like an avalanche of emotion. Heavy chunks of heartache bouldered down her shoulders and made her reach for Stella, who grasped her hand and allowed Scully to pull her in next to her. Stella sat down on the edge of the bed as well, her body shifted towards Dana’s who had started to lightly tremble. ‘What is this?’ Scully whimpered as she shifted her gaze from Stella’s two shining diamonds to the one between her fingers.

On top of the neatly wrapped book Stella had attached the one thing she’d been meaning to give Dana for almost a year. 

A beautiful ring lay in between paper petals, a simple gold band with a round diamond she’d inherited from her grandmother and that held more meaning to her than anyone could ever know. She’d wanted Dana to have it ever since she’d found the courage to ask for her hand in marriage, but so much had happened that had prevented her from giving it and now that the moment was here it was both sweet and suffocating in its weight. 

‘It’s yours,’ Stella said softly. ‘If you want it.’

Scully shook her head in disbelief, her brain struggling to find the words to express what she was feeling. Gratitude and love collided and overflowed, and as Stella watched her one tear slowly gathered on Dana’s waterline before toppling over and rolling down her cheek. It traveled down the planes of her skin in one direct line to Stella’s heart and Stella bit her lip as she felt it settle in the hole that no longer felt empty. 

‘Untie it,’ Stella asked in a low voice. ‘I want to put it on you.’

Scully looked at her with a watery smile before fumbling with the ring, afraid to damage it in some way or fracture the moment by ripping or dropping something. ‘You do it,’ she finally asked as she handed the wrapped object to the woman next to her with trembling hands. Stella took it from her, brushing her fingers gently past Dana’s as she did. ‘Here,’ Stella mumbled as she untied the small piece of rope that had secured the ring. She put the book down behind Scully as she moved to sit closer, her elbow touching Dana’s. ‘Give me your hand,’ Stella asked as she held up her palm, her voice soft and barely meant for anyone but Dana.

Scully looked in disbelief at her own shaking fingers as she lifted them towards Stella’s, a sight that might as well have been on a screen - far away, tucked away safely behind glass. As if she was watching from afar, a spectator, an audience to her own dream. This wasn’t happening, she must be dreaming, her brain told her. She asked it to wake her up, but she was already awake.

Of course Scully hadn’t forgotten the proposal, or their promise. In fact, she’d spent a good portion of the past 14 hours thinking about it - how it had happened, what they’d said, where they’d stand when she saw Stella again. And somehow, somewhere between that liftoff and this touchdown the knowledge that Stella was all-in on this had become less of a certainty and more of a hopeful idea that flew along with her. With this simple gesture Stella had not only shown Dana where her home was, she had also asked any of Dana’s worries to descend and settle, and in due time, melt away in the sun that was theirs alone.

Scully felt Stella’s hand grasp hers and she felt a smile spread across her face. Stella’s hair fell forward and Scully’s eyes were drawn to Stella’s face. A golden halo of warmth and intimacy surrounded them, encompassed them and safeguarded them as Stella’s fingers caressed Dana’s and Stella’s gaze met that of her fiancée. 

Stella stayed silent, as Scully thought she might. That was their sanctuary, their alternate reality in which they did not need the commonality of language to communicate. The gentle whisper of Stella’s fingers around hers and the quiet call of Stella’s soul made it impossible for Scully to want to deny her anything - most of all her heart, and Scully swallowed against the thrum of it high in her throat. 

Stella had released the ring from its place and ever so slowly started to slide it onto Scully’s finger. Scully felt her heart tighten as she watched Stella’s slender fingers do this thing, this one thing she’d only ever imagined one person would ever do. Then she’d met Stella. And it hadn’t been obvious at first, or maybe she’d just been oblivious to its blatant normalcy, but the more time she’d spent with this creature the more she’d known. Deep down it hadn’t been him ever since her and Stella had met.

It had only ever been Stella.

Slowly, with the pace of Stella’s ring being slid onto her finger, Scully’s breath left her body and with it went any last reservations she might have carried with her. A small whimper sent her final worries on their way and Stella blinked heavily, her eyes never having left Dana’s. Scully suspected she was scared to look down, too afraid they weren’t strong enough to shoulder the weight of this moment, but Scully knew - they were, and they should. So she slowly tore her gaze away, beckoning Stella to follow her, and together they watched just as the diamond found its final resting place on Dana’s ring finger. Scully grasped Stella’s hand, clasped their fingers together, and for a while they just looked, and breathed, and sat - together.

‘Forever,’ Stella finally said.

‘Forever,’ Scully repeated.

The moment became two, three and many more and it convinced them once again the world wouldn’t end. Scully finally bit her lip and raised her chin, finding herself closer to Stella than she had been. ‘It’s beautiful, Stella,’ she breathed. ‘Oh, that sounds so inadequate…’ 

‘It belonged to someone who meant a great deal to me,’ Stella said, her voice throaty and rough. ‘It was my grandmother’s. She was my guiding light when I was younger, and after she passed my father thought I should have it. It has been in my possession for many years and I never knew what to do with it. I couldn’t wear it, couldn’t sell it… So it has just always been with me reminding me of her strength, her beauty and her grace. You are the only person who I’d ever want to have it.’ 

‘I’m honored,’ Scully said slowly. ‘I hope I can live up to her legacy.’

‘I’m just sorry you’ll never know her,’ Stella smiled sadly, a wistful look crossing her tired features. ‘She’d have liked you.’

‘And I her, I’m sure,’ Scully responded as she softly dragged the pad of her finger over the shiny diamond.

Together they decided to call it a day and go to bed, both their bodies emotionally and physically reaching the point of exhaustion. Scully unpacked the necessities while Stella passed her to go to the bathroom, softly brushing her hand across Dana’s satin clad back as she did. Soon, they were both in their sleepwear with Stella’s bathrobe draped across the new footboard of the bed. Passing touches brought them back to the side of the bed, where Stella started to draw back the covers and their eyes simultaneously landed on the book that was still waiting to be unwrapped.

Scully lifted the wrapped object and considered opening it for only a moment before Stella’s hands on her hips diverted her attention. She put the gift down to the side and lightly touched the top, where the ring had been, before turning to her fiancée and allowing her to pull her in close and kiss her.

When Stella released her they swiftly got under the covers, every bone in their body feeling heavier by the minute. Soon Scully’s head was safely tucked away under Stella’s chin as Stella spooned her, her cheek caressing the soft tresses of Scully’s hair. Their hands were clasped together just under the hem of Scully’s sleep top, and Stella gently played with the ring on Dana’s finger as they slowly drifted off. 

‘Stella?’ Scully hummed after a while.

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m not planning on going back.’

‘Back where, love?’

‘Back to the States. Not for good.’ Scully stayed still and held her breath as she waited for Stella’s response. To her relief Stella didn’t tense. She didn’t sit up or even lift her head - Scully just felt her press her lips to Dana’s scalp as she pulled her a little bit closer. 

‘Mkay,’ Stella breathed out. 

‘That’s all?’ Scully chuckled heavily as she cast her eyes back over her shoulder. Stella blinked up at her before closing her eyes again and smiling gently. ‘You really think I’d let you go back now?’

Scully huffed. ‘I’m not joking,’ she stated, attempting to sound serious but too tired to really put any weight into it.

‘Neither am I,’ Stella said, ‘Now sleep, my love.’ 

Scully felt her skin tingle warmly at Stella’s words and decided to accept them as Stella’s truth. ‘Good night,’ she whispered as she relaxed back into the warm body she’d missed so much. Stella’s thumb caressed hers and Scully felt Stella’s breasts press closer into her back as she felt Stella inhale deeply. 

‘Good night, and Merry Christmas,’ Stella replied on a breath that trickled down Scully’s spine as she felt her eyelids grow heavy, her heart slow to Stella’s pace and her brain slowly drift off to sleep.

On the small table in the middle of the room the neatly wrapped object was still waiting to be opened. It would lie there, untouched, until Dana would wake up and reach for it, softly run her hand over it and silently decide to leave the unwrapping for later. There was no need to uncover its contents - neither it nor she were going anywhere.She laid back down and replaced the gift in her hands with the one next to her before joining her in sleep once more.


End file.
